Prompt: The Grim Reaper is the head of a bureaucracy called the Earth Death Service (EDS) and has just been brought to a spiritual congressional board because they spent millions of souls on a really bad training video.
[Author's note: After re-reading this and remembering that everything on the internet lives forever, I feel compelled to remind you, gentle reader, that this is a work of fiction spurned on by the prompt. Personally, I do not condone genocide for any reason. If you are offended by this on religious grounds, I apologize as that was not my intent.]
| From Zazzle |
"Hallelujah, hallelujah," the proctoring angel said. "Please be seated for the ten thousandth, sixty-fifth session of the Ethics sub-choir of the Judicial choir of the Celestial Sphere. His honorable Jegudiel presiding. Amen." Jegudiel nodded at the spectating celestial entities and gestured for the proctor to continue. "This choir calls on the Archangel, Azrael, responsible for the collection and storage of human souls upon death, to present himself before this body."
The doors on the opposite side of the chamber from the presiding bar opened themselves and Azrael entered. Unlike the togas worn by the members of the sub-choir or ribbons (and often less) worn by the spectators, Azrael was attired in a nicely tailored silk Armani suit, white shirt with french cuffs and a red power tie. Behind him was one of the employees of the Earth Death Service in the black golf shirt and khaki shorts worn by all of it's members pushing an old TV cart. One of the wheels squeaked.
Azrael seated himself at the low table, several feet below the stools of the sub-choir. He placed his briefcase on the table, opened it and pulled a few folders out. He looked at his stool for a second, frowned and waived at it. The stool turned into a Herman Miller Aeron chair and Azrael smiled. He glanced at the spectators and smiled, waving at one or two. Finally, he turned his attention to the arrayed members of the sub-choir.
Jegudiel smiled and said, "This sub-choir would like to start by thanking our brother Azrael for taking the time out of his busy schedule to join us here this day."
"You are welcome," Azrael smiled back, perfect teeth glinting. "Though, if I may presume to ask this body to keep this as short as possible. There are over six thousand humans dying every hour and the bodies do stack up."
"Of course, of course. With that in mind, we'll jump right in. I assume that you are aware of why you have been summoned?"
"I've been told that it has something to do with our latest training video."
"Correct. The one titled 'Thus Spake Pol Pot: Genocide and Strategic Celestial Goals.'"
"Yes. We just finished it and are getting it out to our field teams. We're quite proud of it. We pulled Kubrick out of storage to direct it. Spared no expense."
Jegudiel pursed his lips. "This choir is quite aware of the expense. The current tally is twelve million, three hundred thousand and fifty-four souls. More than has ever been spent on a Heavenly production, much less a mere training video. On top of that, the subject matter seems to be counter to the current directives from on high: love they neighbor and all of that. How do you justify this?"
"Do you want me to justify the expense or the content first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
Azrael picked up one of the folders and opened it without glancing at it. "Then I'll start with the expense. We see this video as a net profit project. Its stated goal, which was authorized by the budget choir, is to increase the rate of reaping by a factor of three. With that in mind, we expect to pay off the initial cost in just over forty days. From then on, it will start turning a profit. The budget choir thought that was, and I quote, 'just nifty.'"
"I'm sure that they did. However, in their wisdom, I'm not sure that they looked into the replacement rate of these souls. With only three hundred and fifty thousand being born every day, your goal would create a net deficit of about one hundred thousand souls a day. In seven thousand days, around twenty years, you would depopulate the earth."
Azrael flipped a page in his folder, still looking up at Jegudiel. "I don't have birth numbers in front of my, so I don't feel confident commenting on them. What I can say is that we were asked to increase our reaping. Training must always be a part of any increase in production."
"And who asked you to increase your production?"
"The highest authority."
"The Highest authority?"
"The Highest Authority." Azrael glanced at the ceiling.
"We'll need to check in to that, so we'll put the expense issue aside for the time being. Let's move on to the methodology you chose to increase your reaping."
"I assume by that that you mean Genocide."
"That's exactly what I mean. How can any member of the Celestial Host ever condone Genocide?"
"It goes back to our new goals. The only way that we can increase our production rates that much is to use humanity against itself. You've seen what they can do with a little prodding."
"I have, and it is un-Godly."
"True. Fortunately, our research shows that those most prone to ethnic cleansing are non-christian. So by increasing their success rate, we're also increasing the global percentage of Christians. The Muslims have been catching up recently."
"The Muslims are not the point. The point is this exuberance of death that you are calling forth. That is the point. In fact, to highlight this, I'd like you to view a clip with us. Please have your helper there queue up to the beginning of Part 2."
The EDS employee fumbled for a minute and then looked at Jegudiel. "Umm, I need a power outlet." Jegudiel rolled his eyes and motioned for the proctor to do something. The proctor went over to the TV cart and picked up the power cord, closed his eyes and the TV came on. The EDS employee looked surprised, "We can do that? Huhn."
The screen showed a forest surrounding a small village. The people of the village are happily going about their day working, talking and such.
A voice over started: "This does not look a likely place for the start of a genocide. The people are happy, they have enough to get by and there are no immediate threats to their safety. But it is in just such places that the seeds to increased soul reaping can be planted. Watch."
On screen, one of the females runs out of the trees screaming. The people of the village run to her. The audio does not allow for the room to hear what was being said, but she was seen gesturing back the way she came and is now crying. The rest of the village showed signs of increased anger with many of them rushing for weapons before heading into the trees.
The narrator started up again: "It is that easy. A threat was introduced. Maybe even a real one. All that these people really know is that one of them claims to have been hurt or threatened by someone else. Someone outside of their group. The Other.
"In this case, the Other is presumed to be from a different village or tribe, but can also a member of the group who is different in almost any way: eye color, skin color, clothing choice, eating habits, defecation habits. It does not matter as long as they can be blamed for hurting the group in a significant way.
"To recap, the steps to starting a genocide are first, identify the core group. Second, identify a likely Other. Third, help the core group to see the Other as an existential threat."
Jegudiel waved for the tape to stop. The proctor opened his eyes and the TV shut down. "Step by step instructions on starting a genocide go way beyond increasing production, wouldn't you say?"
Azrael nodded his understanding. "Under normal circumstances I would agree with you. Heck, after the whole Crusades fiasco last millennium, it would be hard not to see all of this as a bad idea."
"Then why did you create this?"
"From direction on High. I can't speak to the Will, but we were told to be the Way. EDS serves at the pleasure of the All Mighty. I have the paperwork to back that."
"And you trust that mere paperwork will protect your from inciting humans to genocide?"
"I'm trusting in the Lord and Justitia."
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